Too young to be an adult, too mature for high school
In my previous youth ministry, I encountered an unusual phenomenon I had not experienced before. It was a paradox of nature and sociology that couldn’t be explained. There were a group of highschoolers who had grown up in the church and were highly involved in the youth ministry. They were model kids who served in the church and were considered to be leaders. They attended every event with enthusiasm and contributed to the small group discussions as we studied the Bible.
Once they entered their senior year, they advanced in maturity, at least their own perceived maturity, by about five years. Suddenly, they disassociated themselves with almost everything that was going on in the youth ministry. They chose to go out with their friends instead of coming to youth group unless their parents made them go. On those occasions where they did attend Sunday School or youth group, they would assume the classic teenage I’m-too-good-for-this pose with arms folded and eyes rolled as they stared off into the corner of the room scoffing every immature comment and gesture made by the children in the room.
Graduation came and went and we launched the graduates into the world of Big Church and out of the youth ministry as we welcomed a new crowd of pre-pubescent youngins into our group. Here’s where the unusual happened. After a few months, the recent graduates started showing up to events. They wanted to attend the high school Sunday School class instead of the one for their age group. Their age group, by the way, was now 18-65 year-olds. It was as if they were sophomores or juniors again and they had never left the youth group instead of being freshmen in college or full-time employees in our small community. I let them be involved but only to the extent that they would exercise some responsibility within the group. After all, they were adults now. It worked and it didn’t because they were still trying to hold on to their teenage years instead of embracing adulthood.
It’s difficult to run a single youth ministry comprised of such a wide age span (sixth through twelfth grade) and work to meet each of their spiritual, emotional, and relational needs. In hindsight, I realize I should have done things a little differently. I should have tried harder to take their thoughts of superiority and molded them into leadership. I could have taken advantage of their experience and years in the youth ministry and given them ownership of it through more responsibility.
So, what do you do with 18-25ish year-olds? What kind of a break is there from adolescence and adulthood?
Give them an identity
This is a group of people who are in the midst of making education, career, and relationship choices. Don’t lump them into the same group as those who have worked at the same place for years, sit at home on Friday nights, and listen to John Denver hoping they will be assimilated into the world of adulthood. They won’t connect and they will disassociate themselves from the ministry, either physically or emotionally, and find opportunities to connect with people in their stage of life outside the church. Or, they will start a ministry of their own loosely tied to what is going on in the church, which isn’t a bad thing. Give them an identity within the church and venues to connect with each other and walk through this stage of life together.
Give them responsibility
They can vote, establish a career, get married, have children, and serve in the military. Consider the responsibility and wisdom each of those activities requires. Each one is uniquely gifted by God and possesses skills and abilities intended to build up the Body of Christ and contribute to your local church community. If they are not serving or contributing to the church’s ministry in the ways in which they are able, the rest of the Body is missing out. Encourage them to get involved individually and as a group. Unlease their youthful enthusiasm and creativity and the results will knock your knee-highs off.
Do you have any specific ideas for working with the post-adolescent population of your church? Share them in the comments below.
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November 10th, 2006 at 11:32 pm
We have had an interesting thing taking place in our church. Our goal, being a new church plant, has been to keep things simple, and avoid “over-programming.” We simply desire to preach and teach the word to everyone. We have classes for kids up to age 10 but we do not have anything specialized for youth (ages 12-18). That being the case, we have seen some amazing things happening. Our youth, our middle aged, and our older people are all close. They hang out together and fellowship before, after, and outside the service.
The youth do not seem discontent at all and in fact some of them come out to Sunday night Bible study on their own or they urge their parents to take them.
It has been a very healthy thing, and even a bit unexpected! I assumed that a specialized youth ministry was a must but we are not seeing that need (at least not yet.)
We have decided that our “youth ministry” will consist of a weekly Bible study (expository in nature) without a lot of hype as well as some outside events (outreach and social oriented).
But we don’t plan to nor do we desire to separate our youth and adults. I think keeping them together helps to eliminate the problem of assimilation when it comes to youth moving out of youth group into “big church.”
As pastor I try to communicate to the church that our youth are not the “church of the future” but rather they are the church now. They have gifts and abilities just like the adults and we need to encourage them to use them to build up the body.
I believe a unified church must be unified in age as well. The world pits age group against age group. We should seek to bring them together. This is the point of Paul’s older/younger commands in Titus 2. Too often we create different camps within the church based upon age and I think this negatively affects the health of the church.
~Duane
November 11th, 2006 at 3:13 pm
It’s great to hear that your church is so cross-generational. It sounds like all ages feel comfortable and connected with each other and that’s a great goal to shoot for. Thanks for the comment, Duane!